The Mug Tree
by Lola Pagola
Summary: It's Harry Potter's senior year. Voldemort is still at large, and still hungry for revenge. Harry and his compadres embark on a mystical quest to rid the world of Voldemort once and for all. But will it all be so easy?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Lol guys, I'm back, but I went to writing Tafe and I can write now, obviously LOL. I know you guys will love my story, I spent the last hour planning the whole thing out, which is a long time...well longer than usual for me AHAHAHAHA. I'm sorry that some of the characters are a bit out of character, but I like them better like this because they're more realistic. I feel that the non-canon characters add another level of depth to my literature, so if you don't like it you obviously haven't been to writing Tafe like me.**

Harry Potter stepped onto the platform with his trunk and Hedwig, his delightful owl. The Flying Yellow school bus was almost ready to depart; the train was out of order because of funding cuts from the Ministry of Magic. This meant that school fees were sky high, and poor Ronald Weasley could not afford to attend anymore, and Harry did not want to spare any of his great fortune to help his good friend. He was saving up for a holiday to Barbados. But that was OK, because no-one really liked Ron anyway. Except Hermione, who wasn't doing a very good job of keeping her feelings for him a secret.

Harry caught a glimpse of himself in the bus window. He'd never liked what he saw in the mirror, even though the Dursleys constantly reassured that he was fine just the way he was. All Harry saw was a scrawny, specky little freak, with hair that would never sit right even with the amount of hair gel he loaded onto his mop every morning. Every day Harry wished he looked like the other boys; why couldn't he have luscious locks, and perfect skin like Draco Malfoy? At least Harry would always be The Chosen One, and that was worth more than any luscious locks Draco Malfoy could ever grow.

Several people said hi to Harry, but he ignored them, because he didn't have time to talk to those plebians; the bus was leaving in two minutes. He could see Hagrid loading people's trunks into the luggage compartment. He watched Hagrid take up the driver's seat, and toot the horn.

"Everyone please take their assigned seats, except Ron Weasley, as we have not received your tuition payment" Hagrid announced, but Ron got on anyway, because he had no way of getting home.

As the bus rolled down the road, Harry asked "Hey Haggazz, are you even qualified to drive a bus?"

"Of course I am, you ninny" Hagrid replied, as he took a sip from his flask of firewhisky. "Dumbledore let me borrow his license-"

"My mum said I shouldn't get in a vehicle with someone who'd been drinking" Ron interrupted.

"SHUT UP, RON" Called the entire bus. Ron slunk back into his seat in disappointment. _When will anyone listen to me, _he thought. Harry chuckled to himself. _What an idiot, _he thought, and then went to find a seat.

Harry sat next to Hermione, his best friend, who was already planning the Senior ball; a duty that was given out to all Head Girls at the beginning of the school year. Harry didn't want to disturb her while she was concentrating, so he took out his Nokia and logged onto Facebook. He had one new notification - a FarmVille request from Ron. Harry rolled his eyes as he ignored Ron's request; Ron was so pathetic.

"You're so pathetic, Ron!" cried Harry.

"As I was saying" Hagrid continued "I got my license from Dumbledore, but I'm using it as practical experience for my double degree in Professional Mattress Jumping and Bus Driving from wizard TAFE"

Harry was impressed, and replied "Wow, Hagrid, it's good to know that you're finally getting your life back on track, after... you know-"

Hagrid lifted his robes to reveal a machete tucked into the waistband of his pants. "Never mention that again, boy, do you understand me?!" he threatened.

Harry backed off slowly, even though he was sitting down. He curled up into the foetal position; he didn't like being threatened. It came from a bad experience as a child after a dog growled at him for taking its toy.

"Will you stop being so dramatic?" said Hermione. "I'm trying to concentrate. Anyway, while you're here, I need your opinion. Should the theme for the ball be Cowboys and Indians or Disney movies?"

"I like the Little Mermaid, because she has red hair like me," Ron interjected.

"Alright, Cowboys and Indians it is," Harry decided.

Hagrid slammed his foot on the brakes suddenly. Harry's coffee went all over Ron, and Ron screamed in pain, but nobody cared. They were at Hogwarts, finally. The tall dark turrets could be seen in the distance. The students dismounted the bus, with Ron still screaming, and collected their luggage, which had been magically ejected from the bus. This was a wizard school, after all.

Harry couldn't wait to see Professor Dumbledore, the elderly headmaster. He had missed him terribly over the summer. Dumbledore always gave the best advice. Just last year, he told Harry that his style icon was Keira Knightly, and that he should always stick to pastel colours because they suit his petite frame. He was so wise.

"Listen up, everybody," Hagrid announced. "Because of the budget cuts, we had no money to feed the thestrals, so they ran away. Unfortunately, this means that we will have to walk up to the school. Everybody choose a partner and hold hands!"

Ron held his hand out eagerly for Harry, but Harry just gave him a disgusted look and took Hermione's hand.

"Okay, Ron, since you don't have a partner, you'll have to hold hands with me," Hagrid concluded, but he didn't look too happy about it. He wondered when the last time Ron washed his hands was.

The convoy began the long trek up to the castle. Ron was so unfit that Hagrid had to give him a piggyback five minutes in. Hermione eyed Hagrid with jealousy; if only Ron would wrap his perfectly sculpted legs around _her _and press his warm body against her back. Hermione snapped like a snapper out of her daydream as soon as they reached the castle, just as Hagrid dumped Ron like a sack of potatoes onto the concrete. Ron most likely broke his arm, but nobody really cared enough to check.

"What a clumsy oaf" Said Harry, as he pointed and laughed at Ron's misfortune. Hagrid laughed, and patted young Harry on the head.

"Just like your father" Hagrid wept. Harry felt uncomfortable at Hagrid's mood swings; he made a mental note to mention this to the school psychologist at his next appointment. Harry didn't mind this so much; Dumbledore had taken up the post ever since Trelawny had a mental breakdown, and was forced into early retirement. But he still had her on facebook; he liked her funny statuses.

Harry followed the others into the great hall; Ron was still unconscious, but Harry wasn't worried. Ron could make his way there when he regained consciousness. The tables were set out for the start of term feast, but this year there was a fifth table for the sorority and fraternity groups; they were the only thing bringing money into the school. Hermione was the president of the Accio sorority, so she left Harry to go give the members a pep talk. Harry deeply regretted not joining Draco's fraternity last year; now he was left alone with Ron, who was now conscious, and excited about the meager amount of food on the tables. It was more food than he'd seen all summer.

Harry sat down at the Gryffindor table between two Puerto Ricans, so that Ron wouldn't sit near him; Ron was a proud white supremacist. McGonagall then appeared with the sorting hat, trailed by a bunch of nervous looking first years who Harry pointed and laughed at. Ron started laughing too, but Harry punched him in the face; _plebs aren't allowed to laugh, _he thought, and continued watching the sorting.

The sorting hat opened its mouth, and started to sing:

_It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters  
And make fun of our exes, uh uh uh uh  
It feels like a perfect night for breakfast at midnight  
To fall in love with strangers uh uh uh uh  
Yeaaaah  
We're happy free confused and lonely at the same time  
It's miserable and magical oh yeah  
Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines, it's time uh uh_

I don't know about you but im feeling 22  
Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you  
You don't know about me but I bet you want to  
Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 22, 22

It seems like one of those nights  
This place is too crowded too many cool kids  
It seems like one of those nights  
We ditch the whole scene and end up dreaming instead of sleeping  
Yeaaaah  
We're happy free confused and lonely in the best way  
It's miserable and magical oh yeah  
Tonight's the night when we forget about the heartbreaks, it's time uh uh

I don't know about you but im feeling 22  
Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you  
You don't know about me but I bet you want to  
Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 22, 22

I don't know about you, 22, 22

It feels like one of those nights  
We ditch the whole scene  
It feels like one of those nights  
We won't be sleeping  
It feels like one of those nights  
You look like bad news I gotta have you, I gotta have you

I don't know about you but im feeling 22  
Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you  
You don't know about me but I bet you want to  
Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 22, 22

Dancing like 22, yeah, 22, yeah yeah

It feels like one of those nights  
We ditch the whole scene  
It feels like one of those nights  
We won't be sleeping  
It feels like one of those nights  
You look like bad news I gotta have you, I gotta have you

By the end of the song, miraculously, all the first years were sorted.

"Time for bed!" Yelled Dumbledore.

"But it's only 3pm" said Ron.

Dumbledore looked him straight in the eye, pointed at him, and said:

"Shut up, Mr. Weasley"

And with that, they were dismissed. Harry couldn't wait for his counseling session the next morning; he had so much to tell Dumbledore.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys, it looked like you so enjoyed the first chapter, not that I didn't expect it. I've had some awesome reviews, I'm so excited, this is awesome! Anyway, no flames please, because I put loads of effort into this, with good grammar and everything, and I know the plot's pretty good too. As I said before, they're a bit out of character, and some stuff's happened that you might find weird, but it'll make sense as we go along, I promise! Please have heaps of fun reading this, because I did it really well, lol :)**

Harry woke up feeling excited, and pulled himself out of bed. He pulled on his pastel pink robes, because after all, who was he to shuck Dumbledore's advice? After deciding that he did, in fact, look good, he made sure to point and laugh at Ron, who was sleeping on the bare floor, in nothing but one of the woolen bloomers his mother knitted him every Christmas. Ron still hadn't paid the school tuition fees, and therefore was not allowed a bed, or anything else for that matter. Harry really couldn't wait for his trip to Barbados.

Harry stepped over Ron, accidently kicking him in the neck, and made his way out of the dorm room, towards the Headmaster's office. Harry had been to see Dumbledore at questionable hours, for many questionable reasons, and could therefore make his way there with his eyes closed. So he did, because he was The Chosen One.

He knocked on the door of Dumbledore's place, and the doors opened for him, to reveal a sullen, but fresh looking Snape. Harry pouted; if there was one person he could usually count on for having worse looking hair than him, it was Snape. Unfortunately, it seemed that Snape had done some manscaping over the holidays, because his hair was looking unreasonable good.

"It's Potter," said Snape, looking disgusted "If it weren't for your delightful taste in clothing, I would have you expelled immediately"

"Now, now, Severus," came a soft, sensual voice from behind Snape, "Get the hell out of my way, I want to see the boy"

Professor Dumbledore gazed at Harry, making him wonder whether he should have gone with the lilac robes instead; sometimes Dumbledore's advice was rather vague. Harry heaved in relief , however, when Dumbledore gave him nod of approval.

"It's good to see you followed my advice for once, Harry" said Dumbledore "What a stunner".

Harry watched as his good mate Dumbledore gave him a look of pure pride, and stumbled slightly as the man gave him a hearty clap on other on the back, which Harry returned. It was of the secret handshake they'd made back in first year in order to make sure each other weren't imposters. Snape, who hadn't learnt any form of manners whatsoever in his lifetime, had decided not to leave this private meeting, and watched their intimate exchange with jealousy; _Why won't Dumbledore ever touch me like that?_ He thought, and wept in the corner. Everyone in the room ignored Snape's distress; because it really wasn't very important at all.

"I've been meaning to ask you something, Professor" Harry said "It's about Hagrid, he's been a bit unstable, and I think I might be too. The other day, we ran out of spreadable butter, and I- I just got so angry, Sir. Non-spreadable butter, sir, i-it's impossible, I couldn't cope. No one can spread it; it cannot be done"

"Harry, while I understand the inconceivable strength of non-spreadable butter, you must find your own way. We have much more important things to discuss" Replied the Professor.

"But, sir-" started Harry in confusion, however he was interrupted.

"Keep your shit to yourself, Harry. What do I look like, a psychologist?" snapped Dumbledore, before his expression turned happy "Anyway, I have some fantastic news; Voldemort is gone. I know this is true, because I read it in Cosmo"

"But, Professor, are you sure?" asked Harry unsurely.

"You sure are inquisitive for a white boy," Dumbledore sighed "Of course I'm sure; magazines never lie, Harry. Why, look at you, did they not, indeed, say pastel was your colour?"

Harry thought about this; he trusted Dumbledore, and had to agree with the points the wise man had made- he did look fantastic in pastel, and Harry had never known the media to produce something untruthful in his life. Harry knew, if nothing else, that he could always trust Dumbledore, and he could always trust the media, so he fluttered out of Dumbledore's office in an abrupt matter, and made his way to the great hall. He hadn't had breakfast yet, and was very hungry.

Contrary to popular belief, The Chosen One actually ate; in fact, if he had a mother, she would tell him that breakfast was the most important meal of the day. However, he didn't, so he continued, quite rebelliously, to believe that every meal had equal importance. This irked Ron sometimes, but Harry had to once again remind him that his opinion didn't really matter, and everyone in the great hall agreed with him. Sometimes Harry wondered what it would be like to be a horrendously poor plebian like Ron, but those were the sort of dark thoughts Dumbledore had always warned him away from.

Harry was jerked out of his dark spiral by Hermione, who plonked down next to him with a sigh. She'd just come back from a meeting with the members of the Unwed Teen Mothers Club, which was one of many groups in which she was president.

"I just have enough time to grab some food before I head off to a meeting with the Society of Black Students at Hogwarts group" She gurgled through a mouthful of porridge "Merlin, the world would be utterly useless without me"

Harry himself was an ardent member of the Toasted Sandwich Appreciation group, but he found her running around quite tiring to watch, and couldn't imagine how she did it all the time. She really needed to calm down, so much so that he considered slipping her some Rohypnol. He decided against this, however, as he'd likely get expelled, and decided to instead use his words like a big boy.

"I don't know why you do this Hermione; you aren't pregnant, or black. You need to live a little" Harry chided. Hermione didn't like this at all, and made a sniffing noise, but not before folding her arms across her chest. She hated it when people questioned her essential role in keeping the world out of absolute chaos.

"Well, we better get to class. I've been idle for far too long" Hermione said, just as Ron approached them at the table.

"Hey, can you guys wait for me until I've finished my breakfast?" Asked Ron. Harry pretended he hadn't heard the boy- and really, he hadn't. Harry was too busy considering whether Hermione would look more attractive if he shaved all her hair off or not, and Ron wasn't important enough to catch his attention anyway. The girl in question shot Ron a barely concealed forlorn look, before hurrying along to join Harry, but he barely noticed that either.

They made it to their potions classroom just in time, which seemed to really annoy Snape, who took any chance imaginable to give Harry a detention. Harry didn't mind, though- he thought it was cute that Snape spent so much time trying to get his attention. Harry and Hermione sat next to each other, and enjoyed the ambience created by the darkness, the strange potions ingredients, and Ron's whimpers as Snape chewed him out for arriving late to his first class.

Just like every class, Harry found potions a waste of his profound abilities, and slacked off a bit; he could just copy off Hermione's work later, anyway. He dug his hand around in his pocket until he fished out his beloved nokia, and started playing Farmville. Cho Chang had just sent him another cow, which was annoying, because he already had too many; _She is definitely going in the burn book_, he thought, _right next to Ron_. After he'd advanced the size of his crops, and found a couple of chickens, he decided to go back onto his Newsfeed, but what he saw made him stop.

Harry frowned to himself, because there, on the screen, in the People You May Know column, was a name that made him gasp with the force of a Dyson vacuum cleaner:

Voldemort.

**Alright, so what did you think? I know it's a bit of a cliffhanger, but I think it went pretty well, yeah? Read and review, but no flames, remember?**


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